10 Ways to get the spark back in your relationship

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There’s nothing like the unexpected thrill of the beginning of a relationship when someone new rocks your world; filling your belly with butterflies.

Learning about each other and sharing a first kiss while trying so hard to impress one another with hope that this might be the one, is what it’s all about. And if you remember, it didn’t take much; meeting for dinner or snuggling on the sofa with a movie was beyond exciting.

As years pass, it’s interesting how what was so special and exciting can sometimes become mundane and boring to the point that we start to take each other for granted.

Rest easy, this happens to everybody, but it doesn’t have to be this way. If your relationship is important to you, it’s time to shake it up and step it up by incorporating a lot of what you did in the very beginning.

Here are 10 ways to get the spark back in your relationship for now and forever.


This is one of the easiest, but most important ways to get and keep the spark in your relationship. Touching doesn’t necessarily mean sex, it just means to surprise your partner when they least expect it. Grab a butt when you walk by, hold hands in bed, or play footsie at the dinner table. Giving some affection of any kind creates closeness and intimacy.

Look good

Remember the beginning when you put some effort into how you looked before seeing each other? Do it again. This doesn’t have to be full makeup or a blow out, just throw on a little lip gloss or brush your hair. Even the idea of knowing that your significant other is trying to look good for you will do wonders for your relationship. It will also help to get the touch we mentioned about going more often.


Far too often we are preoccupied with everything from kids to cell phones and we don’t listen. It doesn’t take much to stop what you’re doing for a couple of minutes, be present, and ask your partner about their day with interest. This is just another level of intimacy that leads to a more loving relationship. Try to listen like you did when you first met, with intent and love.

Show appreciation

After over 30 years together, I needed to find a new way to show my husband how much I appreciated him when he walked through the door each night, so I started to clap with excitement as soon as I saw him. He loved it! Not only because it was funny, but he also felt the love I was intending him to feel. The point is do whatever you have to do to shake it up, be different and get out of the rut of your daily routine to show each other you appreciate one another.

Make each other #1

There’s no room for selfishness. If you put yourself first in your relationship, it’s only a matter of time before it’s going to fall apart. It has to be 50/50. This is something that I’ve learned over my decades-long-relationship; you have to put each other first, period. If my happiness comes from my husband being happy, and he does the same, it’s always going to work. The reason being is this requires giving, more than taking; which is the moral to the whole love story. I talk about this in my post How To Make A Relationship Last a Lifetime.

Do a 3-month checkup

Setting aside an hour every few months or so to check in with one another will do wonders for your relationship; sort of your own little therapy session. Make notes of things that might be on your mind and enter this conversation with a positive spirit as this is also the time to discuss any challenges that might be occurring. The more you do this, the easier it will become and you will find yourself looking forward to these sessions.

Write love notes

Remember this? Well, it’s back. Take a minute and write I LOVE YOU, or whatever you want, on a piece of paper and leave it for your partner to find. My husband and I do this especially when we know we’re going to be away from each other for a day or two. I’ll stick one in his suitcase, or he’ll leave one on the kitchen table for me to see when I walk in the door. It will make your heart go pitter patter.

Do something fun at least once a month

No matter how tired you might be, take turns planning something fun to do as often as possible. Skip Netflix or ordering in, and instead book tickets to a comedy show or go see a play. Doing these sort of things that you did in the beginning of your relationship will add excitement to your life while also giving you both something to look forward to.

Take care of yourself

I don’t know about you, but when I’m not feeling good about myself it shows. My mood is affected and I have zero interest in intimacy. This sort of goes back to looking good; you also need to feel good about yourself. Making the effort to take care of yourself with healthier food choices, meditation and/or some exercise will do wonders for your relationship. And your partner will take note!

Communicate with an open-mind

We mention different ways of communicating throughout this whole piece, but I thought it was important to note that it takes an open-mind to do it properly. If you enter a conversation with a chip on your shoulder, a negative attitude or resentment, what was meant to improve your relationship could end up in an argument. Think back to the beginning when you would do anything to make your partner happy. You would bend over backwards reorganizing your entire life just to feed her cat; do that again. Listen with intent, say you’re sorry, let the past go, forgive and love each other like it’s your last day on earth.

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